musings... on a rainy september morning

Its 5 30 in the morning... one of those times of day when i have often been up awake. Not because I am an early riser, but because I procrastinate to the extent of leaving so much work to be done that hours like these have to be kept.

Nonetheless, its one of the best times to be awake. To watch the sky get lighter, a red hue spread only to be replaced by a golden one in a few minutes, and then bright sunshine. My window overlooks a green pasture and a railtrack beyond. Its somehow a complete picture. A goods train chugging along at its own serene pace, the sky lightening, birds starting to leave their nests, and me preparing for sleep!!!

It wont be that way today, though. Its been raining since the afternoon. Almost incessantly. But its picked up pace now. And the wind causing the drops to lash against my window.

Just finished watching "The girl next door". Nice movie.

I am posting after a long long time.
No reason really, except the sloth!!!
So much has happened, so much to write about that I wont even try. Returned from Finland, took my GRE, gave the midsems, anticipating the pujos, and trying to stop myself from looking a little farther ahead from there.

I love solitude. i realize that now. I like to be able to think to myself. For myself. Went through the last few chapters of Fountainhead once more in the afternoon. It really is too surreal. But it made me think once more on the lines of a raison-de-etre. Something which has kept cropping up again and again in the recent past. The devil within, so to say. And one I have been fighting desperately against. All the points I have are against. Yet, there is no shred of doubt in my mind as to which way the verdict would lean. I have been grown up on a lavish diet of romantic ideas, books and films to change that myself. All the temperance that I should have ingrained have not managed to dilute, what I think is now, an inherent trait.

"Throughout the centuries, there were men who took first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision. Their goals differed, but they all had this in common: that the step was the first, the road new, the vision unborrowed, and the response they received-hatred..... it will be a victory for something that should win, that moves the world-and never wins acknowledgement.It will vindicate so many who have fallen before you, who have suffered as you shall suffer."