The viewless wings of poesy

Excerpt from one of my high school poems that I loved-Flute Music. Original poem was by Tagore in Bengali. Sadly, no access to that right now. This is the translated version:

The music is true
Where in the everlasting twilight....
The Dhalesvari river flows,
Tamal trees shading her banks,
And she who waits in the courtyard,
Dacca sari, vermilion on her forehead.


Sorry to anybody who might find the words not quite as in the original english version...this is from memory, so bear with me. Conveys the essence though.

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How hard it is to snap the ties that bind our hearts to the eternal fountain of hope.

How hard it is to just stand and watch.

And how much harder to bear it all with a smile.

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Just realized, Netaji had the right idea.

"Urim" or "thummim"??

Classes on at full toll... assignments pouring in, complete chaos with timetable mishandling, inexplicable breadth options that have forced me to take subjects as far from my core as could be imagined. Quite tired of this running around and have vowed to stick to my resolution of following the heart, come what may.
OK, OK, I can see all the smiles.... but this time, am determined.... well, :D

In the middle of "The Alchemist". Can't recall any book that ever took me longer to finish, but with all thats happenning around, its a miracle I still manage to read it. Pretty insightful stuff. The line, about us seeing the world as we want to see it and not the way it actually is, stood out, for me anyway. Had the truth of this statement driven home to me through incident after incident in the last few days.

Wonder then, just what it is that movies like "Serendipity" and "Sleepless in Seattle" are so liked for. Those are the kinds of stuff that happen in movies. Show me a person who dreams about them happening in life, and I'll show you a fool. If I rattled on about this, it would start to resemble one of those discourses on "We use movies to get away from reality-Argue for or against" type of high school topics, so I'll drop that for now.

Another trip to cal, great fun over the weekend, ppl from school, and catching up... perfect weekend spoilt by the train on the return journey. Would you believe the engine acted up enough to leave us high and dry and waiting for a couple of hours. Reached kgp two hours late, and missed dinner. Not the greatest of finishes to the day either, after that, but thats something I am rapidly getting used to.

Getting more and more hooked by poetry... guess its to do with states of mind. Just makes you come back and question the kind of mechanical life all of us seem to be leading, the purpose, and the strange selfishness of it all. Desperately seeking my raison-de-etre...

"Intellectual disgrace,
Stares from every human face,
And the seas of [pity lie,
Locked in each eye."
I

Life Cycle

Cycles rule life out here. Thats the big tragedy. All the same things just keep coming back semester after semester. And all the big plans and promises and resolutions before every sem just to see them washed away in tides of weary laziness, rejected by a mind sickened of the routine. If you think I am bitter about the cycles, you got it. Its hard not to be, especially when you haven't got one, and the sun beats mercilessly down on your already-burnt skin, and when its evening, the rains take their turn at it.

Another sem. And all the baggage with it. Through with the excitement of room-shifting and registration. Chaos reigned after that. Strange that students have to tell deptts that they are running short on subjects. Still not sorted out. Guess it will be soon enough though. And the classes from tomorrow. OMG.

Strange how days of introspection can drain you out. Almost weird to think of everything you build dreams with and then watch them tumble down, torn down like those waves do to the sandcastles. Annihilated, all traces of existence removed. And just carry on as we were, numbed. Perhaps its just that we are automatons of a higher order.

It defeats comprehension that there should be objects that one would, at some point of time, have given his life for, and at another point of time, simply behave as though it never existed. But, then, isn't that what we call maturity??

I am not yet certain that idealism is a curse, but it is difficult to ignore the viewpoints that created people like the Gail Wynands. And it is little better than a tragedy that we fail to concentrate minds in single minded pursuits. I agree that to be a Howard Roark is senseless, but I wonder if it might not be happier. Sadly, the parameters of judgement, as they exist, are hardly equipped to serve their purpose for they do little more than spit out an inhuman array of statistics. For those wondering where all this is suddenly coming from, the whole string of thought was stimulated by a book I just happened to flip through this summer. Forced to agree with St. Antoine de Exupery in "the little prince" who chides adults for their fascination with facts and figures.
Wonder if it isn't time that we stop this spoonfeeding that has grown into so integral a part of our systems, steer ourselves beyond all this cycles, keep things simple as they should be, and realize that its our faith that determines our identities; that its time we created our own and stood up for them.


"Beauty is truth, and truth beauty,
That is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."

The Cal Effect

All right, everybody, am back in cal and having a lovely time. Just realized that a few things about life are so so strange and some just stick out like sore thumbs...

1. Every time I make a journey to college from cal or the reverse, I suffer a bout of dehydration.

2. I have to pay for the use of the net here, and the very thought is appalling.

3. As an alternative, I can go to my dad's office and use it after he is done, but for all the world, the speed at which his comp operates is equally appalling. And even though his office claims (passionately) that they have a P-3 machine, it seems incredible to me that anything apart from a Celeron charged machine can work like that!!!I mean I am almost tearing my hair out by the time the page appears.

4. Hope as a result of all that, anybody who reads it will bear with infrequent replies to comments and a slow-ish rate of updating in general for a week, after which college restarts.

5. Just realized that there's little worth watching on TV. So, all you people who watch it please suggest some stuff worth watching.

6. Food is just toooo good out here. Man, makes you wanna stay forever.

7. No one can say where your next free movie ticket's coming from!!! Just got one today for WOTW. Unfortunately everybody's discouraged me already :(

8. Somehow, everytime I come to cal, its marked by at least 3 power cuts in 24 hours. :(

9. At least, the radio stations are great. But, had to catch up with so many people that I have hardly had time to listen to it. Will definitely try picking it up in college again.

10. It seems nomenclature has been a dicey proposition for years now. Saw part of the final ODI between England & Australia at the OVAL. Now, this ground has straight boundaries each 63 m long, 1 square boundary 63 and the other 62 m long. WHY WOULD YOU CALL IT "THE OVAL"?????

Untagging...

DD tagged me. So here goes...

Three names I go by:
1. Lancelot
2. T (my actual nickname abbr.)
3. moron

Three screen names:
1. lets_make_a_difference (early idealism)
2. light_the_candle_of_hope (;D)
3. hourglass2000 (ok, but its not what u think, had a reason then)

Things I like about myself:
1. Unpredictability
2. Eternal optimism
3. My sudden creative sparks

Things I don't like about myself:
1. Having desensitised myself to shocks.
2. Unpredictability
3. Dreaming (Tooooo much!!!)

Things that scare me:
1. Routine
2. Mess food
3. Cockroaches

Three essentials:
1. Good literature
2. New avenues to explore
3. Hope

Three things I like in the opposite sex:
1. Beauty
2. Sense of humour
3. Maturity

Three things I want to do badly now:
1. Watch the F1 race(and its on right now)
2. Go out with my friends in cal(and freak)
3. Pig out on a Mainland China buffet (just thinking about them hurts)

Three careers I am considering right now:
1. Tennis (;) ref:eternal optimism earlier!!)
2. Engineering(did u guess it??)
3. Entrepreneur ( right after I flunk the first two and find a bank with no security!!)

Three places I want to go on vacation:
1. Munnar(hill station down south with amazing tea plantations.)
2. Europe(Think it beats USA hollow simply with heritage and natural beauty.)
3. Kashmir.

Three kids names I like:
1. Pugloo (Beats everything else by miles :))
2. Chintoo
3. Bhodor (simply becoz offhand, it implies everything apart from wat it is)

Three things to do before dying:
1. Stop myself from cracking (hilarious) jokes at moments evrybody seems to find sensitive( :(( )
2. Do everything I agreed upon with certain spl. ppl
3. Beat Federer at Wimbledon

Three lucky people to take this quiz:
1. Tushar
2. Herenow
3. Rimi

Finally, Cal jus round the corner

Perhaps the less romantic origin of "honeymoon" is the one that appears in etymonline.com, which claims that honey refers to the sweetness of the marriage, and moon refers to the changing aspect-no sooner full than it begins to wane!!!
There is another source that traces its origin to Babylon 4000 years back, where for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, which coupled with the fact that they followed a lunar based calendar, resulted in "honeymoon".
How many for reviving this 4000 year old practice, with suitable changes to suit the times?? ;D

Certain readers of this post might remember one particular near-midnight tryst in the not-so-distant past in an inebriated condition, and the ensuing hilarity. Frightening(:D) to contemplate the possibilities if the practice of "sozzling" oneself was to be endorsed by the bride's father.

The ICC certainly has put the cat among the pigeons with its latest "rule change". The thought just popped in that it, if implemented in our inter halls, might wreak havoc-player to be substituted will not enjoy it!!! Not that i care too much but a new headache for captains.

Another pole for Alonso, another Grand Prix missed for me.

Finally decided to get out of this place. The last few days are the toughest. Academic productivity dropping exponentially throughout today. Got a week in cal to put the mind where it belongs-at rest. Started planning for it yesterday. Btw, for those who have not tried it, try conferencing on YM; if everybody has something to contribute, you can have the roar of your lives with confusion reigning supreme.
S called up today, and we thought of getting an old pal from school drunk. Strange the way clandestine ideas just roll off our heads. Her memory's going my way, asks the same stuff thrice in three days. But seriously wonder if we can put one of them into practise-we've planned for too long and done nothing. Would be fun...

Renee Zellweger is placed at 7 in rediff's list of the most desirable women. Thought she should be at 1. But I guess that's only coz i saw me, myself and Irene again today. Strange thing, though, saw Drew Barrymore in Never been kissed, and wondered why she was not there. And will somebody please tell me why Nicole Kidman does not figure in the list??
BTW, for those interested, there's also a most desirable men's list.

Sorry, distracted right now coz C just came online. More later.

"The difference between a rebel and a patriot depends on who's in power at that time."

My sparkling summer!!!

well, anybody who knows me will perhaps have strong objections if I use "gainfully employed" to describe this summer. But I do feel that that is not so far off the mark. Learnt a lot this summer. Seriously, guys....
Lets list the stuff i "learnt":

Tennis. Ok, so maybe I can't give Roddick (or for that matter, Sania Mirza) a run for his(her) money, but at least i learnt that to belt the balls back and forth at that pace across those courts is way tougher than it looks.

Swimming. Well, knew it earlier. Learnt that I am completely out of touch when I panted and wheezed across 45 metres racing a class 8 kid and only just finished ahead of him.

Course in first half of summer. errr, lets leave that alone.... oh ok, learnt what i did not want, though I (yay!!) cleared it...

Project in second half of summer. Loved it. Learnt a little, finally found something that sparked some interest in me. And no joke, this one, grrrrrr....

Life, hmmm...another thing tougher than it seems, learnt a fair bit.

And how easy it is to be misinterpreted :((

Blogging. Damn nice thing. Helps you release stuff once in a while when you really need to.

Learnt from where "honeymoon" originated.

Thats all that comes to mind rite now...will update in case of memory blink....

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Had an absolute roar over stuff some of my friends got into. Ended happily in the end, well from my point of view, that is, not so much from theirs. But, it was hilarious. Will share it sometime when they are not nearby just waiting to move in for the kill.

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England finally put it across Australia though could not catch the commentary on the site s! so kindly provided. Will make sure i do that next time.

Didnt know about the bomb blasts till just now. kgp does that to news. Really tragic.

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Started to watch "Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy". Stopped coz I found it a tad dragging; besides not having read the book, could not help the feeling that I was missing out on some underlying satire and the veiled sarcasms coz it would take some reflection to appreciate entirely. Anybody got a hard copy to lend me?? Sick of reading stuff on comps.

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An appeal to all would-be entrepreneurs and restaurateurs. Please tap the untapped potential of the HUNGRY market in this place, and start a GOOD restaurant on campus, with reasonable prices. Not been back to cal in two weeks and feeling it.

Flora and fauna

Rained today like it was trying to prove why the phrase with "cats and dogs" was coined. Had to turn on the speakers to full to hear (over the thunder, and the raindrops hammering down) how Ross would call up a girl, who finally fell for him, w/o having her phone no-"U know what, if its meant to happen, I'll guess it." Why, sure he would!!!!! Now, that would be true love!!!
Raining again as it has all of the last couple of weeks. Not that I mind. Quite like the rains, especially when you have to choose between them and a sun that comes out with the kind of vengeance that would have helped Saurav Ganguly silence his critics.
Only just realized that the rains can make you rediscover the flora and fauna in this place. Brings the best out in the flora, makes the trees look greener, flowers, happier, and the grass, fresher.And as far as the fauna is concerned, well, brings it out, period. Froms frogs of all shapes and sizes, to flying creatures(not birds) that look like the insect world has come out to celebrate the end of their hibernation period. Quite fine with me, except that they chose my room for their expressions of joy. Had been saving up for a rainy day, i guess.
The four lizards in my room have had a couple of field days.
Miss the food in cal, the hanging out after school, and the addas through life. At least the labs are AC, and we've now got songs in here.
Wonder how close a parallel our lives have with those of the aforementioned flora and fauna?

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Too bad England couldn't nail Australia in the end. Was the first ever match that I "watched" on a website. Kept refreshing the scorecard on the website. What a way to watch!!!
Alonso pulled off another one. Just seems unstoppable at the moment. Buck up, Schumi....

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Wrote this while my code was running.
Code still running.
Guess I will go grab some tea.

Killing,Gross n Painful Life

Actually, not all that bad.
But almost.
Bleak times down here. Place becoming more and more desolate by the day. To think that in 15 days time, the ruckus will begin again.
Kept drizzling throughout yesterday.
Power cut since morning today. Couldn't get my work done at the bank. Came and sat in the AC in the lab but power cut prevented the servers from working. Then got locked inside the lab by some #*$%#. Had to scream to get out.
Got so bored, went to play in the afti. Played, just racquet, wall, ball and me, till i was dead tired. Could almost feel the muscles creaking back to life. Felt good. Came back and slept like a log till 8.
Found a frog in my room. Was reminded of Haripada, the clerk, in Tagore's Flute Music, who had a non-rent-paying-lizard in his room. Got half a dozen in mine-saw them multiply through the year. And now, dear froggy. Hope its the last of the self-decided inhabitants of my room.
In the lab again now, struggling as usual. And rooting for England, who are finally making a match of the final.
Was damn sorry to see Sharapova lose. First person since Steffi with ability, beauty and dignity.
Saw something about Federer in another blog.
C asked me sometime back if i was jealous of S. Not sure if i convinced her that I am not. But I am not.
As of now, just jealous of Federer-not fair that some people should have it all:a girlfriend like that and a backhand like that.

I knew that it was "never"

He went back. To the ice-cream parlour at Elm's and Moore. To sit and think. Of everything that had come to pass in his life. To all those years which he felt like hanging up on the wall with a "Those were the best days of my life."

It struck him that it was all a big mistake. Which he was paying for. And would continue to. It also struck him that it was exactly the kind of mistake he would look back on with pride. He shrugged and smiled as he thought of the escapades, hiding from parents, praying that nobody he knew would walk in while he was with her, the "Tom Sawyer-like cartwheels" to impress her!!

"Don't leave me."
"Of course not."
"Never?"
"Never."

He did not. She did not. But they did.
He thought of when she was upset, another rollicking fight against the "establishment" that just wouldn't let two people be.
The tears were just flowing. So was the anger.

"Do you watch Hindi movies??"
"What?!?"
"I said, do you watch Hindi movies??"
"Not much. Why??"
"Oh, they would have told you that you look much better when you are angry or crying or something like that. Don't believe them."
"Oh..."

They just walked out of each other's lives. Both had nicely mapped lives. They followed the signs along the highway. Where there were no signs, they just took the road everybody before them had taken. Never hesitated. Never stopped to wonder if the other road held a pot of gold at the end. Never really looked back. Reached their parking spots at the end of the day and never found each other.

"I..I can't. Not now. Later maybe."
"Oh, I see."
"Listen, I would love to make a difference to your life."
"I know."

Hope springs eternal.
His life was happy enough. The map had been a good one.
She did not mean much anymore. That phase was over. There was more to life.

What if his map took him away again?? From what he had today. What if hers did?? Well, he would get somewhere at least. I mean, so many had been through this before. Couldn't be a bluff.
This was Elm's. Things looked different, didn't they?? He stopped by a bootblack.

"Isn't there an ice-cream parlour here??"
"Ice-cream parlour??Here??What is this, the 20th century??"

He smiled. The guy was right. Things had moved on at Elm's and Moore.
He gunned the engine and turned the car around. He never went back again. It was too late.

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I thank thee, Lord, for.....
........and for such a winderful cartographer.

Things had never been better and would never be.
He had met her yesterday Things had gone perfectly.

"Don't ever leave me."
"I won't."
"Never?"
"Ne...."

The best days of his life were not behind him. They were up ahead.

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"Can you tell me which way Elm's and Moore is??"
"Sure. Straight down this way. Take a right at the gas pump. You new here??"
"Thanks. No. Just coming back after 10 years."
"Well, then, its no use. Place changed beyond recognition."
"Well, some things never change. Thanks anyway....."