Hazaaron Khwaishen Aisi.....

Exactly three days from now, it will be illumination time again. One year will have passed me by. The dust of time is gathering on the single event that, probably, changed me beyond recognition. Life has come almost a full circle, perhaps in more ways than the usual. It feels strange. So many things last year have their exact opposites occurring this year.

Profound Conclusion that emerges: I have changed!!!

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Been a hectic last Saturday-Thursday.
Up till almost morning every night. And then classes. Followed by event in the evening. 2 lab submissions, 1 lab quiz, and 4 inter-halls in the aforementioned span. 3 for soc-cult, 1 for tech. Completely frust with the last of the inter-halls, one 3rd place finish, one 2nd place finish, and one result pending.

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The NLS, Bangalore, is having a parliamentary debate from the 10th-14th of november. If only my department wasn't as merciless or as demanding as it is, I could have said "yes" to the most generous offer. As it was, i had to turn down the opportunity to represent my college at one of the country's biggest events. Frust!!!

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Some things had to be put on hold because of developments in quarters most unexpected. Strange are the ways of life.

Completely forgot my cousin sister's birthday. :(

Major cut-down on intake of chocolates in the last few days. Doesnt seem to be reducing my expenses somehow. Confused.

India have made a heartening start to the series against SriLanka. 3 cheers for Ashim who got a TV into the hall. Should be entered as a B-plan somewhere.

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Been listening to this song for a while now. Bowled over.

"Mann yeh bavra, tujh bin maane na;
Dhunde raat din kya, bavra..."

Watch the movie also if you haven't. My humble opinion would recommend it as a must-see.

Oh for some free time...

Apologies for another hiatus in the posts....

Been a terribly hectic, but rewarding, last 4 days. Will continue to be hectic for the next couple of days as well. Just hope the rub of the green continues to go our way for that period to make it rewarding as well. Hopefully, I'll get a proper post in by this weekend.

PS: Exciting to find that my blog counter is approaching 500. If u r the 500th, do leave a comment :D

Been Listening To....

"Chaha tha kya, Paaya hai kya, Humne dekhiye;
Dil mein magar jalte rahe chahat ke diye... "

Just realized how closely it describes my life at this moment. Almost psychic.

Want good food. Landed at Mess@NH,IITKgp.
Want to have fun. Enter OS assignment with submission date tmrw.
Want chocolates. No money.
Want to go on vacation. Hehe, reasons not even needed for why I can't do this one.

And the list just goes on and on.

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Went to college street last week with Load-da.
We were looking for quotations for printing Alankar.
Weird place man!!! Everything was closed and people around helpfully informed us that they would open by tuesday. Big help for us.

Thus rendered jobless, we spent some time browsing through the stalls after Load-da's unceasing search for natoker bois.

Followed with a visit to Coffee House. We sat there bad-mouthing the printers for not having reopened by Friday-pujos long gone. Reached the solemn conclusion je ei jonno bangalir dara byabsha hoye na.
Got around to discussing the place itself. Pointed out the standard stuff of how it reminds you of the days when coffee tables saw learned views and arguments exchanged over steaming cups by people dressed in fatuas, pyjamas, chappal, with a jhola slung over their shoulder, long hair askew. When we were leaving we saw a man with exactly that description standing on the balcony observing the scene below. No doubt, a literary work in progress in his mind.
Ordered mutton kabiraji. Was damn nice. I fell in love with the place. The peeling paint and the quiet dignity adding up to give it the kind of charm that we grew up reading about. Walking through near-deserted lanes, unlike the usual college street bustle, made me feel like i was on one of those feluda type adventures. :D If anything I liked this place more than the malls- way more...probably just temporary insanity, I dunno, but it was amazing. Culminated with me promising Load-da that next time I proposed to a girl, it would be there!!!
He smiled indulgently, before pointing out that that didn't quite seem an option in the near future. I agreed, but my statement(before people start getting me wrong) was more to show just how much I liked it this time around.

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Been raining incessantly since yesterday or the day before.... gloomy outside...

So many things by season season'd are,
To their right praise and true perfection.

My Digest

My thanks(:D) to all those who keep coming back despite the long breaks in between my posts. Been an eventful week with no comp, and the result is 3 new posts on some stuff. Do read them here, and there, and there too.

Thank you,
Take care,
And shubho bijoya,
me.

Deja vu-The first anniversary

Things change. Quickly. This is the time of year when I am at my most vulnerable. i have often wondered about this thing called luck or coincidence and stuff like that, and how if something was working for you you should never change that. I have often wondered through this last year when not much has gone my way, whether something that changed around Illumination last year might be responsible for it. There is, of course, no concrete answer to the question.

But it remains a fact that the last year has seen a complete metamorphosis in me. Everything changed. From grades to beliefs. From strong convictions to complete revamps in my opinions. From a sheltered life to the real world. From idyllic views to a loss of innocence of sorts.

It kind of came over me like a wave while I was thinking about some stuff. That all those Howard Roark-ian ideologies that we had dreamt of through Ayn Rand infatuated school days, through animated discussions over cha-chanachur on rainy evenings at rup's place, of how we would make a "difference", of what we would do to immortalize our beloveds(who at the moment happened to be recent crushes ;D), of the most amazing lives spent with them, face aglow as we spoke about them, about them being the inspiration behind all that we would achieve, of those huge pictures that we would hang at home and office recording some of those golden moments for posterity.

Somewhere over the last year, I saw the world for what it was. Think I did anyway. Things happened which brought those fantasies come crashing down, like one of the waves reducing the castle to what it really was-a lot of (useless) sand. Lost a lot of faith in those lofty ideals, in the universe, which as Paulo Coelho likes to say is supposed to conspire to get you something that you really want. A year of epiphany, if you might call it that.

Two things happened over the last few days that seemed to sort of reaffirm faith, so to say:

A friend of mine posted this(and do take a look) on his blog, something that seems to hark back to those flights of fantasies that I had once shared with a school friend of mine, and what we had dreamt of doing was on these lines. Very happy about this guy and the person he is writing about, and that things seem to be working out so brilliantly for them.

Second, Babelfish posted this on her blog about the recent IIPM controversy, and do read the links she has put on her blog. Its great to see people like Gaurav Sabnis stand up for what they think is right. And its more so simply because I have come to realize just how difficult it is to do so at far smaller levels, leave alone resign a cushy position at IBM.

Thanx, S&M and Gaurav Sabnis(shmall part to babelfish for providing comprehensive links about the matter!!!!)

PS: If this post sounds a little sento, then you are mishtaken!! Not that way, at all, I am not going soft or anything. Just a statement of facts, if you will, which mean a little something to me ;D

PUJO!!!!

ITS THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN!!!!!!!! PUJOOOOOOOOO!!!!

And it just keeps getting better with every passing year. This year's must rank right behind the pujo in my first year, and thats only because nothing can compete with that year.

The para pujo, Jodhpur Park, just keeps getting bigger and bigger. This year it was covered by Zee Bangla for all the four pujo days. The crowds were mammoth and I hardly felt like venturing into them again. And missed the ashtami anjali again after promising myself that this year I would not, come what may.

Sasthi was spent with some of my pujo shopping since I had returned on choturthi from kgp, and that evening and the next day were spent calling up friends, and meeting a couple.

It did not hurt that the guy who cooks at home chose to go to his native Orissa this pujo and, as a result, dined out with my parents everyday(!!!!) except when there was an invitation from a relative or a family friend or a school friend. That way, I have just realized, you save a lot of money as well.

Saptami was spent with friends, catching up on stuff, some time with kgp ppl discussing stuff, and sometime with my girlfriend.

Ashtami found a frust me turning up at Maddox, another broken resolution here- for I had promised not to enter the human sheep-pen that that place transforms itself into at this time of the year. Frust coz my gf's mom had decided to take her shopping on ashtami of all days, god-knows-why. Friends grinned ear-to-ear pointing out, as though they knew it all along, that this was what would come of having a non-bengali gf. Met a lot of school ppl there though, whom I see there only, if at all, in the entire year. Had to have dinner at The Chinese Pavilion that night coz everything else was so jam-packed.

Nabami, I had a lunch invitation, and it was the only day I ventured out in the early afternoon. The heat was awful. Lunch was at the Senator in Camac Street, and pretty good it was too. Unfortunately, the friend who took me out had some misunderstanding with his girlfriend immediately afterward and, as a result, we disbanded pretty soon, the pall of melancholy hanging heavy over us. The heat of the afternoon alternated with the AC had given me quite a headache, and I took the rest of the evening off at home watching TV-my parents had gone out, and werent expecting me back that early. They were SURPRISED when they returned at 8 and found me back already.

Oh btw, SHUBHO BIJOYA to all.

Dashami and subsequent days were spent visiting relatives. Sadly its back to kgp again, and the headache has already returned!!!

Blog Meet

Had our own blog meet last saturday at CCD Park Street. You can read a VERY abridged version of it here. And a little more
here.

A few gaffes in between. Like when
babelfish asked me if i was the fantasy lover, and the rightful owner protested loudly from across the table, resulting in two girls in the table behind us sizing up the fantasy lover and reaching no concrete conclusion as to what he had done to deserve the epithet.

The amazing pastries and doughnuts were shared which felt great except when it was your own and someone who had promised you a treat in cal actually hogged yours :( And having given me up as a hopeless case tried to convince acroyali that she was a nice person!!!!

jaded for some reason chose to give us all descriptions w/o letting us know who is who. Just leaves you sort of hanging. Bad girl.

Were talking about the lamp which herenow had made as a birthday gift for DC. I have since decided that its a rare talent and plan to use it in the near future :D

pain...

The following post is being hosted, sadly free of cost, for a friend who wants responses but is too lazy to start a blog.
Note: Anybody else struck with the same idea - further hosting will be charged to your credit card.

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when the pain sears through her insides. splitting every nerve in clear half. torn to shreds. can we hope to heal? maybe.

theres destruction, debris all over the place. the lasting feeling is the pain. poisonous pain. acrid sulphurous fumes. choke her everytime she thinks. it burns through and that is all one can feel.

she died atleast 10 times since morning. walking down the road, after class. the blue skies and sparkling sun of autumn laughed cruelly.

she was washing the apparatus. the experiment was over. she closed her eyes mometarily... her head swirled. her heart stopped beating. she died for a second. the pain killed her. she was nudged back to life by the cold water that was overflowing the basin. her hunger had died. everything was in place. oh yes! nothing had fallen out of place. she walked straight back from lab to her room. infact she ran. she wanted to hide. to confront her pain and wallow in it.

oh! did he? she closed her eyes, and saw them both. together. lost. the pain seared through her insides. each time she closed her eyes. each time she saw them together. did they? she wondered... ... and then she stopped breathing. the blood stopped flowing through her veins.

reason asks her to be more reasonable. but the pain killed it. and theres nothing left. the flood gates of pain open to inundate her.