Kal Ho Naa Ho

All things have a purpose.

If you start something, you have something in mind, some purpose for which it was created. Sometimes, however, a phase is reached when that reason no longer exists. In times like these, you decide whether to scuttle it altogether or to find a new purpose for it, a new raison-d’-etre, if you will. Today, my blog finds itself at a similar crossroads.

When I started it, writing was like a catharsis of sorts. A purgative. It took loads off my mind. Helped me speak out to an audience that mostly knew little about me. Under the constraints of time, blogging became erratic, but I always came back for another spell of catharsis (wonder if that’s grammatically acceptable). Today, it no longer seems necessary.

Its been close to a month since I posted. SF has come and gone. My third. Time flies, doesn’t it?? I have been lucky. All three SFs have been spent in very different ways from each other. Leaves you with different perspectives. Had a brand new one this time around too. And an absolutely lovely time. There are a couple of experiences through SF that I absolutely must write about next time (short of time right now, again; besides those are fairly long, so its best to deal with them in separate posts).

Right now, I am in worse physical condition than I can recall having been in ever. Haven’t shaved in days, which makes it look worse than it is, and been on a spree of nights-out. Things don’t look like they will change much by the looks of my schedule for the next month. I need a Duracell.

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R left last week after a lovely winter. Don’t know when I shall see him again.

And the important generalization:

What do you do with something that has outlived its purpose? Throw it away?

From the general to specifics:

Do I abandon my blog, then? Or find a new purpose?

A reflection on the above general question. Discussed it with a friend a few days back. He laughed and said that regardless of what it was, I would never be able to throw it away. I realize that he was probably right. So, then,… help me find a new raison-d’-etre for my blog…

Options I considered turning it into:

1. Kgp gaffe section
2. Sports journal
3. Ganguly backing or bashing
4. Travel guide(you can get details of my journeys from Kgp to Cal, journeys whose frequency has sadly decreased to one-fifth of what it used to be)
5. Choc hunt(my passion :D)
6. Food page(dedicated to cuisines)
7. A couple more that I am actually seriously considering
8. Taking one of the options suggested by readers (if any still come back, that is)

And the new sun rose....

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......bringing in a new year. Or something on those lines ran the poem. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there to see it rise. “Sleeping like a baby,” as my mother puts it. Which is something I am in no position to verify or contradict never having been in a position to observe myself sleep. But it also raises another issue that I am in favour of at times, but mostly not. This “baby” syndrome. Somehow, the “baby” tag has always attached itself to me. We’ll come back to that in a minute.

Firstly, Happy New Year, everybody. Wish all of you a very prosperous etc etc.

Its back to Kgp again. And because this time I had to drag the comp along in the car, we had to leave by 7 30 in the morning so that my mother would be able to drive back while it was still daylight. And that meant “early to bed” on the last day of last year. This time round, though, my rebellious streak curbed itself for reasons I cannot quite fathom. Was docilely back in the evening by 8 so that we could leave for my aunt’s place in time for the dinner invitation. And when we got back home around 10.30-11, and I finished my packing, it was nice reflecting on a few things that I do seem to take mostly for granted. For most people, hereon are just reflections and boring ruminations, so it would be wise to leave now :D And happy new year again to you.

As a sort of background introduction, let me just talk a little about the “baby” thing I mentioned earlier. For reasons that I am not very sure of, and definitely having nothing to do with physical appearance, I have, in most circles, been labeled a “kid”. This started very early, at around age 7-8, if I remember correctly, when I joined the guys in the para for cricket. Somehow, everyone there was older than me, and I was the kid. I remained that way for as long as we met to play. Since, they have (thank goodness!!!) stopped reminding me of the fact. :D In school, I was on the younger side in my class, and that didn’t help. Among my cousins, at least within comparable age groups and those that I have occasion to meet, I am again the youngest. The ones younger to me are 8-10 years younger. And what the heck, till date, no girl I have gone out with has been younger than me!!! As a result of these and being the only son as well, I had, on the positive side, plenty of opportunities to let myself be spoilt silly. And while it was fun sometimes (well, most times, actually), there were occasions when it got irritating. I mean if I was leaving my aunt’s place, I did not find it amusing to be told by everybody from grandmother to mother to aunt to cousin-2-years-older-than-me-with-big-silly-grin-on-her-face that I should be careful crossing the road. And then suggestion by aforementioned cousin that she should come back after helping me cross the road. And to drink water regularly and have fruits and have food on time.

Perhaps, in this sense, the chance to go to a hostel was like a godsend to me. Freedom, finally, I thought. It was, too. I couldn’t wait to start. So keen was I then that I fought with my parents to not fill KGP in my options. (Didn’t win that one :() And while the advice flowed over the phone, I could pick and choose which ones to heed. Two and a half years of terrific fun. Some good luck, some very good luck, some bad, some very bad. Near misses, reprieves, amendments. Ecstasy, despair, anticipation, excitement, nervousness, fear- been through all of them. Feels good at the end of it. And a rocking winter to top it off.

Yesterday ended the year in which I entered the third decade of my existence on this unearthly planet. Innumerable lessons later, having worked through disillusionment, struggling to find faith, finding it, then struggling to retain it, I find myself strangely hardened. An ardent believer in destiny.

And as I sifted through some of my childhood stuff absently yesterday, I realized that I might well have spent my last vacation at home. An internship in the summers, placement season next winter, and then the summer after the final year. Not sure where I will be and how much of that summer I shall spend at home. It was a strange feeling. Over an entirely different matter I was wondering, a few days ago how much of myself had gone with that “matter”. I wonder how much of myself I will be leaving behind at that house, and how much of that place will defines me today.

Thanks to all the people who made these winters a memorable one-Kgp pals, old school pals-now scattered across the globe, fortunately home for these hols- and to all those who made so many other ones memorable-friends, relatives, seniors, batchmates, juniors, one and all. Just thought I’d mention it, especially since I am associated with the type who rarely react ;D and lack most of the finer emotions.

In other news, best wishes for R&C. R is one of my oldest friends and I just came to know about them. And many thanks to him for some wonderful times this winter and through many summers before this. Met S who I thought was very sweet. Nice, simple, and fun. And by the looks of it, they share a very special friendship.

ManU has almost thrown away every possibility of winning the EPL back.

Its been a nice journey. Through DBPC, Zeeshan, Ms P’s, B.Byte2k++, Rollick’s Square, Durgabari, Priya, Bawarchi, IIT, CCD, BarBQ, Hobby Centre, City Centre, Forum, Illuminations, IIMC, LS, Park, SF, GCs, to today. Feeling hungry after so much…..typing.

PS: The mind keeps wondering back to an auto in Park Circus, (black?) magic on an early morning Dhauli, a familiar voice on a wrong number call. Save the last laugh for destiny!!!